Til Valhalla Project recently sat down with Gold Star Mother Kathi Bischoff, mother of Major Samuel Griffith, USMC, to talk about Mother’s Day, grief, and the son she still carries with her every single day.
Some mothers spend Mother’s Day surrounded by noisy kitchens, phone calls from grown children, flowers on the table, and grandchildren running through the house. For Gold Star Mothers, the day can feel very different. Joy and grief somehow coexist together. Pride sits beside heartbreak.
When Kathi spoke about Mother’s Day now, she didn’t try to dress up the truth.
“Mixed. For the first few years, I wept. The hole in my heart of not having one of my children present was so painful, yet I still had another living child, which I was so grateful for.”
She explained that over time she had to learn how to appreciate what remained while still carrying the weight of who was missing. “I had to come to terms to appreciate what I still had and to accept and remember the love of another gone but remains in my heart.”
Even now, years later, there are small things she still misses deeply. “I still miss his calls, cards and visits.”
As she reflected on losing Sam, one sentence lingered heavily in the room. “As a Mother you never think you will outlive your children.” Then quietly, almost as if speaking more to herself than anyone else, she added:
“The hole in my heart remains.”
Photo Courtesy of Kathi Bischoff.
The Little Boy Who Was Always Watching
Before he became a Marine aviator, before he became the leader so many Marines still talk about today, Sam was a little boy who paid attention to everything.
Kathi laughed remembering one of the first times she realized just how observant he really was. Like many parents, she had carefully placed medications high up in the kitchen cabinet where she thought her children could never reach them. But one afternoon she walked into the kitchen and found her eighteen month old son standing on the countertop after pushing a dining room chair across the room to climb up there himself.
“I saw my toddler spitting and trying to wipe the dissolving aspirin off his tongue with his hands.”
She remembers the horror of that moment, but now she also remembers what it revealed about him.
“I then realized how observant he was and I had to be even more careful, still not realizing just how smart he was.”
Then came another story she still tells with a mixture of terror and laughter.
One winter day while driving their Jeep in the snow with both children buckled into their car seats, Kathi hit a patch of ice and spun in a full circle before crashing into a cement culvert. She remembers gripping the wheel, holding her breath, praying everyone would be okay.
Then she heard a tiny voice from the backseat say:
“Do it again Mommy, do it again.”
She smiled immediately recounting it. “That was Sam, my little thrill seeker. No wonder he flew jets.”
But behind the adventurous spirit was a boy with remarkable compassion and maturity.
“He was thoughtful, compassionate, kind and generous. He was wise beyond his years.”
Even as a child, Sam tried to take care of the people around him. Kathi remembers him making breakfast and lunch not only for himself, but for his sister too, trying to ease her burden while she worked. “He was only about eight years old then.”
She described him as deeply grounded in faith from an early age.
“He had unique comprehension of the Bible. He wanted to live by walking in his Faith.”
And then there was his laugh. Kathi smiled remembering how he could never quite finish a joke properly because he’d already be laughing before he reached the punchline.
“It made everyone laugh with him even if the joke wasn’t funny.”
When asked to describe him in three words, she paused carefully before answering: “Considerate. Affectionate. Leadership.” Then she explained why.
“He was always looking for ways to try to make a difference in whatever he was involved in.”
What she misses most now isn’t some grand accomplishment or milestone. It’s his presence.
“Sometimes we would sit and watch TV and he would snuggle up to me, even as an adult. I cherished those moments.”
Photo Courtesy of Kathi Bischoff. Sam (far left) deployed with his team.
The Marine Others Still Remember
Sam served as a Marine Corps aviator and leader, achieving the dream he had set for himself as a little boy. From the time he was young, Kathi said, “He wanted to be a Fighter pilot and there was no changing his mind.” That determination eventually led him to become a Marine Major and F/A-18 pilot, where he earned the respect of both his fellow officers and the Marines who served under him.
Those closest to him remember not only his leadership, but the way he cared for his Marines like family. During his deployment in Afghanistan in 2011, Sam was killed while stepping in for another Marine during a combat mission. To Kathi, that final act reflected exactly who her son had always been: someone willing to put others before himself, no matter the cost.
Kathi says there’s nothing quite like seeing your child become a Marine.
“There is nothing like seeing your child in Marine dress blues representing ‘The Few, the Proud, the Marines.’”
But more than the uniform, she remembers the respect he earned from those around him. When she visited his unit, she saw firsthand the admiration other Marines had for him.
“They consider him a father-like mentor. He was a leader they respected and one who respected them.”
Years later, many of those Marines still remain close to Kathi and her daughter. Some still call. Some still visit. The bond never disappeared. She believes much of that came from the way Sam led.
“He never required those who served under him to do something he wasn’t willing to do himself.”
And while many people refer to him as a hero, Kathi says humility defined him far more than recognition ever did.
“He never saw himself as a hero. He was just doing his job.”
What she hopes people remember most about him has nothing to do with rank or accolades.
“His love for Jesus, his generous spirit and his kind and compassionate nature.”
Photo Courtesy of Kathi Bischoff. Sam with Kathi in his training jet.
Why Plaques Matter to Families Like Hers
Kathi first heard about Til Valhalla Project years ago and she remembers exactly how she felt receiving Sam’s memorial plaque.
“It was a total surprise and something I probably wouldn’t have requested on my own, I was deeply moved and so grateful to have that memorial of him to display in my home.”
Today, his plaque sits in her living room where she sees it constantly. She also takes it to charitable events as a way of Honoring her son, and allowing those who didn't know him, to learn about his sacrifice and the man he was.
“It is viewable upon entering our home and when I sit in my chair I get to look at it all the time.”
For many Gold Star families, grief can feel invisible after enough time passes. The world moves forward while they remain carrying someone they loved deeply. Kathi says plaques like these matter because they give families something tangible to hold onto.
“It gives them a little piece of their loved one’s memory in a beautifully carved plaque. Something they can display and still hold onto from time to time.”
When asked what she would say to the supporters who help make these plaques possible, emotion immediately filled her voice.
“I would say a big thank you for helping us Honor and remember our loved one. They’ve no idea of the impact of receiving something tangible that can bring so much comfort to those of us left behind. Never Forget.”
Kathi continues Honoring Sam every year through a memorial golf tournament supporting wounded Veterans and by staying connected to the Marines who served beside him, many of whom she lovingly refers to as “her kids.”
When asked what Sam still teaches her even after his death, she answered simply:
“To hold onto my faith in God and never lose hope; to continue to work to try to make a difference in someone else’s life and to be courageous even when you think you can’t be.”
And when asked what she would say to him this Mother’s Day, her answer captured the love only a mother carries.
“Sam, I am and always have been proud of you, since day one. I couldn’t have ask for a better son. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of you or miss you. You are and will always remain in my heart not only on Mother’s Day, but on each and every day.”
Honor a Hero
If you know a family who has lost a Military member or First Responder, you can apply for a memorial plaque here:
Our mission is to Honor Fallen Military and First Responders by surprise-delivering memorials to their families, funded by apparel that motivates, pays tribute, and raises awareness, all while actively donating to reduce Veteran suicide.
